Dream

Today I dreamed that I was pregnant. 

The dream started at the moment where I looked down to see a suddenly massive belly, and the shock of the realisation that what I thought was just gradual weight gain was actually something much more.

Then somehow, weirdly, I was able to discern the baby's head and cup my hands around it, and I knew that she was a girl, and I had to tell Supernerd about her, because he, like me, had no idea that she existed.

Then I woke up and, not surprisingly, never got back to sleep. 

I was a bit upset because she was beautiful, just like Venus, and I loved her. Even though she wasn't real and I knew it was a dream, I loved her. The mothering instinct is just that strong. I couldn't help it.

The plan is for no more children for us, and that was a hard decision to make for lots of reasons. So it was nice to fool myself for a few minutes, but hard to wake up from that dream and get on with my day. Thankfully we were going out, so I had other things to think about.

But as I sit down for some quiet time at the end of the day she comes back to me, and I know what I need to keep in mind above all things is that I am so blessed already, I have so much to be grateful for, not the least of which are people who love me and need me very much.

Venus may never have a little sister, it's true. But if she's very lucky, one day she might have a little girl of her own, and then she will begin to understand just how much I love her.