Mixed up words

I love the wonderful ways in which little kids can get their words mixed up.

For a long time Venus would say wetting instead of wedding. The words "Mummy, how many days until Libby and George's wetting?" uttered many many times leading up to the actual event, turned out to be somewhat prophetic as it poured rain for most of that day and the ceremony had to be held indoors rather than out in the garden as originally planned.

At the moment she keeps calling her dressing gown her dressing down. It makes me giggle every time.

Once we were in the fruit and vegetable section in the supermarket and she asked me whether we needed to buy georginas. It turned out she meant aubergines. We didn't.

We were on the bus tour at a wildlife safari park earlier in the year. We stopped in the enclosure where the bison live. Venus stood up in her chair, pointed at the bison and yelled "Look Mummy, hacks! Hacks Mummy, hacks!" It sounded like she was being awfully insulting, but she thought they were yaks.

Recently Ms Awesome jokingly threatened to feed my children ox tongue when they were misbehaving at her house. Venus told me later that Ms Awesome wanted to make them eat fox tongue.

But my all time favourite so far is this:

"Mummy, when are you going to do your ogres again?"

"Ogres?"

"Yes, your ogres. You haven't done your ogres for a long time."

"I don't know what you're talking about. What are my ogres?"

"Your ogres are your exercises Mummy, on the Wii."

"Do you mean yoga?"

"Oh, yes. Yoga."

Family tree

Sometimes Mars amazes me with his complete lack of consideration for others, but at other times he really impresses me with his thoughtfulness and kindness.

He brought home from school a drawing of a family tree which featured ovals labelled "Me", "Mum", "Dad", "Mum's Mum" and so on. We had a week to print some pictures of the family, glue them on and send it back to school.

But there was a problem.

As soon as Mars looked at this family tree, he noticed something. Something very important. Something was missing.

There was no space on the tree for Venus, and it really bothered him.

It bothered him so much that he insisted that we add her. So while Supernerd was downstairs painstakingly printing portraits at just the right size, I took out my black pens and went to work. 

It's a fairly dodgy effort, but I was pretty pleased with the result. I showed it to Mars, and I think he was almost as impressed with me as I was with him for insisting that his sister be added to his family tree.

I don't think every brother would do that for his little sister, but I sure am glad that Mars did.

Oh bugger

Not long ago Mars was settling in for some screen time with Supernerd's old laptop. He arranged the computer and a large cushion on the loungeroom floor, lay down, got comfortable and switched the computer on.

Then I heard an old-man groan issue from his lips as he realised he'd forgotten something and he was going to have to get up again.

I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that he'd forgotten to grab the mouse and plug it in. As the laptop comes equipped with a trackpad and buttons, I asked him whether he was doing something that particularly needed a mouse, or if he just preferred to use the mouse instead of the trackpad.

He pointed to the left mouse button on the laptop, which has been dodgy for a long time, and said "No, it's just that that mouse button is buggered....I mean stuffed! Sorry Mum, I meant to say stuffed!"

"Did you just say 'buggered'?"

"Yes, but I didn't mean it!"

It seemed like a genuine accident, so I didn't give him a hard time. I just reinforced that it's really not a nice word for a child to use, and that I shouldn't use it either.


Less than a week later...


I was trudging up the street to visit Ms Awesome, and as I made my way through their front yard I found myself shooing the local wandering dog. Let's call him Fozzie. 


Fozzie lives around the corner from Ms Awesome and Captain Spreadsheet, and his humans let him wander the streets leaving deposits on the neighbours' lawns. They don't think it's anything to worry about, but Ms Awesome has had enough of finding barker's eggs in her front yard. So the X-Man has learned to shout at the dog "Go home Fozzie!" from the front porch whenever he sees the dog in their yard.


So I was loudly telling this dog to go home, and just as I drew level with the front door the X-Man flung the door open and screamed at the top of his lungs:


"Bugger off Fozzie!"


I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I've taught the neighbours' child a wonderful new word, but it wasn't me. 


I got inside to discover his mother with her head in her hands, because all he'd done was repeat what she'd said.


She sat on the naughty mat while X-Man's father explained to him that that word is not a nice word for children to use, and Mummy really shouldn't use it either. Even to dogs.


Oh bugger.