Dad

My Dad is gone. Just like that. 

One big heart attack, and several smaller ones while the lovely firemen and ambulance officers tried to keep his heart going, and then thirty six hours later in hospital the machines were all turned off and he slipped away. He was only 62 years old.

That was about two weeks ago and I can only now start talking about it, or thinking about it, without crying. Although, if I'm honest, I'm still crying.

Today I had a breakthrough. We are spending a long weekend down on the coast. I took the car to a remote lookout and I sat there on my own, but not really on my own, looking out over the ocean on this overcast gloomy day. I had a long chat with my Dad and I screamed at the sky and I cried. I cried a lot. I tried to get it all out. All my anger and all my sorrow.

My heart feels like it broke into a thousand pieces and they'll never go back to the way they were.

We gave Dad the most beautiful funeral service. He was a high school teacher and then a university lecturer, and he was also a member (and president at one time or another) of several clubs. So there were hundreds of people at the church and about a hundred and fifty at the afternoon tea that followed.

It was amazing to see so many family members and friends, so many people I hadn't seen for years and so many people who loved my Dad.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without him.

While all this was going on, something else was happening too. 

In the space of five days Venus lost both of her front teeth. Guess who's rocking the world's cutest lisp?

I guess life really does just keep going on.